Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
