NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
