she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Boobs speak an international language.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
That accounts for only three of the penises
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
