I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
