I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
