So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
