I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
