I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
