See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize