Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
