I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
