OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize