Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
