He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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