Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
