i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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