Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
40s are totally the cure
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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