i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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