Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
