My friends, they love my intelligence
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
