I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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