Don't you send me to vm
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
