I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
