things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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