The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
