i was rollin on her like bob the builder
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
