What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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