Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
