just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
