you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
