he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
