when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
