Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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