Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
