he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
