Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
