There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Your cock deserves a montage
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
