I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
