Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
