it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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