Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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