shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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