Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
