I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
40s are totally the cure
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
