my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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