I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
