Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
