I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
