Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
