she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
