toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
