ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize