The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
