yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
