i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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