never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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