i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
