maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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