Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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