Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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