I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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