I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
