she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize