I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
do herpes really smell.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
