I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
