he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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