That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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